Getting in control of your emotions

I don’t know about you, but I tend to spin out of control. Sometimes, it feels like I feel so much that I feel lost.

What do you do when you don’t even know what you’re feeling?

I talked to my counsellor about this a lot. I lack emotional regulation skills because my parents rarely modelled healthy coping mechanisms when I was younger. So, here I am, feeling everything.

In case you’re in a similar boat, I thought I would share something my counsellor shared with me. It is a common technique used in dialectical behavioural therapy, which is a specific intervention targeting emotional regulation.

She said to work backwards and do your best to identify the emotion you’re feeling. Think about the following questions:

• What physical symptoms am I feeling?

  • Is my heart racing?

  • Are my palms sweaty?

  • Do I have a headache?

• Think about your situation: what just happened that is causing you to feel the things above?

• Why do you think you are feeling this way?

Then, take all of that reflection and ask yourself: what emotion am I feeling?

The interesting thing here is that you don’t have to correctly identify the emotion. Instead, the goal is to reflect and put a name to what you’re feeling. You could have completely misinterpreted yourself but it doesn’t matter. What does matter is the sense of control you feel when you have identified what you’re feeling.

This sense of acknowledgment and control is the first step in regulating what you’re feeling.