How to Cope with Life’s Curveballs

Life is unpredictable. People are unpredictable. You are unpredictable. How can we expect perfection from life and those around us when we ourselves our imperfect? We can’t. Everything is simply imperfect. Thus, it is of utmost importance to learn how to cope—more specifically, adaptive coping (a.k.a. healthy coping).

Before I tell you about my personal coping strategies, let’s chat about maladaptive coping. Maladaptive coping is essentially when someone uses inappropriate, unhealthy behaviors to cope with stressors. For instance, excessive drinking to cope with being fired is maladaptive coping. 

Maladaptive coping often results in short-term relief and negative long-term consequences. For example, in the case of excessive drinking, an individual may be relieved of their stress while they are drunk, but the stressor itself (lack of employment) will still remain and result in a cycle of continuous excessive drinking. 

The big idea is to avoid maladaptive coping and to develop adaptive coping strategies instead. 

So, what are some adaptive coping strategies? There are many! Today, I will discuss a few that I personally use to cope with stressors with the lack of employment example:

1. Problem-solving: Find a solution to eliminate the stressor. Eg. Apply, interview, and find a new job.

2. Re-framing: Change your outlook on the stressor. Eg. “I didn’t like my job anyway. Now, I can find a new job I actually enjoy.”

3. Purpose-driven: Make peace with the stressor using the larger forces in life. Eg. “Everything happens for a reason. I lost this job for a reason. Everything will be okay.”

4. Social support: Lean on your support systems for reassurance, comfort, and validation. Eg. Discuss a lack of employment with your partner who can listen to you and reassure you that everything will be okay.

These strategies are my personal go-to coping mechanisms. Depending on the situation, I will use one of these strategies. For example, if I receive a grade I am unhappy with, I am more likely to use problem-solving to reflect and improve my grade. On the other hand, if I had an argument with my parents, I am more likely to use re-framing to understand their perspective and social support to rant to my family.

Ultimately, the coping mechanism you use will depend on each situation. It is important to be open to multiple adaptive coping mechanisms simply because one may fit better than another in that particular situation. 

Also, remember that adaptive coping doesn’t mean that you are not allowed to feel negative emotions. In fact, it is important to feel everything before using adaptive coping to move on. Otherwise, you would bottle everything up and burst!

Give yourself time to feel, be open-minded, and cope! Everything will be okay <3

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It may seem difficult right now, but I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep pushing forward and cope adaptively. You will be okay <3

All my best,

N